By: C. Kent, aka (Superman)
Tour De Bovine/Equine
Maybe you have seen the commercials for Happy California Cows? You might even realize the Kristen the Canadian cow won the contest to move from the frozen north filled with wolves to become a California cow. If you know all of this you might have wondered why these animals would want to leave their home state or country and come to California. The answer is simple, in California animals are spoiled. They aren’t subjected to cold snowy winters and they aren’t chased by predators day and night. All they have to do is give good rich milk, butter, and cheese. Today we got together and put on a bicycle tour just to entertain some of these happy California animals. The group pulled out of the Pep Boy’s driveway onto Latham right at 8am.
As we turned onto Lyon and headed north we were still in warm up mode and the Happy Cows were finishing up breakfast. Some of them may have taken their morning showers and were starting to move to the cow grandstands on Ramona and Bridge streets. They were pretty sure it would be mid brunch before the cycling entertainment arrived but in the mind of a Hemet Happy Cow you can never get to the grandstands too soon because they might serve brunch early.
We turned off of Lyon to Ramona road and headed west towards Sanderson. Most of the A group was holding back to save their energy for the pull down Ramona expressway to Bridge. Vortex, Blood Hound, Highlander, and Puma were well out in front as we got close to Sanderson and they all knew that once we got to Ramona expressway and Warren Road whoever was in front would have to pull all the way to Bridge.
We split into two groups as the A group put up a pace in excess of 23 MPH and the Bs stopped to regroup and get in line before we reached the grandstands. In the distance it sounded like the Cows were cheering as the lead group passed. It sounds a bit like “Moooove, Moooooove,” and I am sure the A group gave them a good show and they zipped by and turned onto Bridge.
By the time the B group turned onto Bridge the cows were cheering and calling out like a wild bunch of fans in the TDF. I could hear Rocket behind me speaking to them in their native tongue and they seemed to understand and shout back. We even had special water bottles made from highly pressed Alfalfa so that when we passed with empty bottles we could toss them to the girls and they could keep them as souvenirs, or eat them like potato chips whatever they liked.
We continued on past the Happy Cows to pass briefly past the Happy Sheep but they were not as impressed with the entertainment we were providing the cows and they paid very little attention as we passed. I was so encouraged by the cheering of the Happy Cows that I decided to pull the rest of the B group down Bridge and around the turn to head for Gilman Road. While cows may have been very appreciative watching cyclists during Brunch they are a bit ADD and soon were busy eating and forgetting about us. Still with that many fans we all felt like rock stars.
We made it to Gilman and Bridge and decided to split into two groups and then regroup at Soboba. Once we were underway it took about a quarter of a mile to get everyone sorted out but we did and Gambler, D’Artagnon, and Blood Hound took a group ahead while Dura max, Highlander, Bounty Hunter, Ocelot, Rocket and Steve followed me back to Sanderson. As soon as we made the turn on Sanderson and immediately someone got a flat. We changed that and then took off for Ramona to try and catch the A group. we met up on State by the Taco Bell and headed for Soboba.
Once on Soboba the A group dropped the hammer and I fell back into cruise mode with Dura max and Ocelot. As we toped the second roller we were accosted with the sound of a Shotgun blast bouncing off of the hill side. We kept an eye out as we topped the second roller and started for the golf course. Just before we got there we noticed some of the A group setting on the side of the road. Turns out Puma went down hard and he was still checking himself out and cleaning his wounds. Several of us rode to the golf course with him before heading for Carl’s so he could be checked out before we headed for home.
After coffee and conversation we broke up and headed for home. Several of us rode up to Lincoln and headed west. It never seemed to get as hot as we expected so we were all still pretty talkative as we rode towards Park where we would be putting on a show for our second group of Happy Animals, the Happy Zebras.
As we got close to Park the second group of animal fans started running around in anticipation. Once again we past some sheep who didn’t seem all that impressed with us. I wondered if it might be that they still held a grudge because the original cycling jerseys were made out of wool. Maybe the old Lambskin chamois put them a bit on edge I am not sure but they seemed to ignore us as we rode by. None the less they didn’t miss the action because Zebras are the referees of the animal world and they kept running over to the fence where the sheep were to tell them about our progress.
Still we rode swiftly by perhaps slightly slower than a Cheetah but faster than a sheep and headed for Columbia. Blood Hound broke off before we made Devonshire and we gladly slowed to a fast cruise as we headed west.
We still had a good sized group as we headed for home and everyone seemed like they had plenty of energy left even after the rather quick pace that was set on Gilman and Soboba. Highlander and Eryn, (Ferret) Vortex and Puma pretty much paced us all the way back to Pep Boys. We stopped and talked briefly and then I headed for home for a shower and lunch. I had just over 39 miles on the computer when I pulled up to my house. I was also glad we could keep our cows and zebras happy at least for today.
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